So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
