I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
