Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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