and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize