Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
