i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
