How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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