at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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