I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
