Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
