so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
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She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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