I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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