think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my shit smells like andre
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize