meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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