Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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