Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
