Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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