how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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