New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
