Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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