i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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