There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
