He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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