I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
