1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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