the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
