i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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