my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
