you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
