Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We need a shit load of segways right now
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
