I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
