That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
how drunk are you?
Several
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
