I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
