4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
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