last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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