either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
