I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
