So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
