He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
