im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
