just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize