my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
