Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
