But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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