I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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