Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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