i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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