i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
