Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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