hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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