I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
