yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
