I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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