If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
