you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize