the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
