so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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