his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
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Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
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But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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