sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
As shirtless as possible
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It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
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There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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