youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
