i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
