I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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