My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
