are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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