White coat. Heels.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
