I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize