There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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