I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
