My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize