Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
