You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
